Being a side chick is never an ideal situation, yet many women get entangled in this complex dynamic. Whether it’s due to a lack of self-esteem or pressure from the other person, being the second choice can take a toll on your emotional and mental well-being. If you’re exhausted from being the secret lover and wish to leave this unhealthy relationship behind, then this article is for you.
Though it can be a tough decision, walking away is the best option for you because you deserve more. You deserve a man of your own, not someone you need to share with some other woman. Even moving from a side chick to becoming the main chick may not be a good idea either because what he is doing with you, he will do the same for you with another girl.
Now, if you are someone’s side chick, we are not judging you because if you are here, you are already considering ending the relationship and looking for a better person.
How to Walk Away from Being a Side Chick?
When you decide to walk away from being a side chick, you may feel it is not as easy as dropping your relationship and moving on. There needs to be internal work within you, and be prepared to face drama and manipulation. But when you succeed through this, you will notice that it’s all worth it when you enter a new relationship with a single man where you no longer need to be secret and hidden out of sight.
In this guide, we will give you some practical steps to help you break free from being a side chick. From understanding your worth to setting boundaries and moving on from the situation, we’ve covered everything.
1) Accept What Happened:
First, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Stop lying to yourself. Yes, you are the side chick. It might have happened without your knowledge, or you entered it knowing all the risks but now want to move out as you learned better. The acknowledgment of the fact that you are a side chick is important in order to be able to walk away.
You can’t change your past, but you can definitely change your future. So, you must be bold and make changes because the ‘future you’ deserves better.
2) Come Out Of Denial:
No matter how much you would like to think that he will leave his partner for you, the odds are he probably won’t. He might be only seeing you as a s*x tool. Cry if you want to, do not hold anything back but learn to accept reality and come out of any false imaginations you have.
People can get delusional sometimes after feeding with so many sugar-coated lies. Come out of denial because that keeps you from moving out and taking any action. Your denial is what limits you as his side chick.
3) Face Your Fears:
It’s not easy to walk away from something/ someone, even if we know it’s bad after getting used to it. Change can sometimes be scary, and you will lose his support – financial, protective, or otherwise. Understand that when you walk away from being a side chick, you are also walking away from a system that has been supporting you and your survival. So you better stand up for yourself and prepare to face every challenge.
Do you feel you won’t be able to find love? Or scared of loneliness? Let’s face it. Being alone is better than being in bad company. So, why don’t you consider them instead of going after a guy you know you can’t fully have?
Also Read: Why Do Guys Cheat Early In A Relationship?
4) Talk To Yourself:
No one knows you and the situation you are in better than you. So the best life coach you need to contact is ‘You.’ Ask yourself why did you like this guy in the first place? What about him made you think it is ok being his side chick? (if it’s your conscious decision) and What’s making you unable to leave him? (if you are scared to make any changes).
Is it because you have had some bad relationships in the past, and he was a source of security? Or he reminds you of someone you like? Find out the characteristics he has that attracted you to him, and you will soon be surprised to see that many other men have those characteristics and are also single.
5) Do Not Allow Sex Be A Factor:
If your relationship is solely based on sex (most times, it may not), you have other options, as there are tons of single men out there looking for casual and non-committal relationships. Even if you had a vibrant and enjoyable sex life, never allow it to be a reason you are having second thoughts about walking away because you can find other partners who will satisfy you even more – where you don’t need to be a side chick.
On the other hand, if you leave this relationship only because of your sexual dissatisfaction, chances are high that you will end up being a side chick to another man – and the circle continues. So, never allow sex to be a factor in why you enter or leave these things.
6) Take action:
You will get hurt whether you stay with or leave him (only for a while). Leaving someone you have feelings for is never easy, but staying with him will also make you feel the same as you are not his first option. So, you will get hurt either way, but by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing.
Ending the relationship with him is the first serious step you have to take to change your life. No one else can do anything for you, and it’s you who needs to take action. Until you are true to yourself and decide to walk away, nothing else will work, and you will see yourself trying to break free, but of no use.
7) Cut Him Out of Your Life For Good:
When you are walking away, you must walk away from both the side chick relationship and from him. You should steer clear of him; you have no business keeping him as a friend or acquaintance.
Cut the contact with this guy and be stern, even though he begs you to come back. Be prepared for emotional blackmail because he will use all his weapons against you to put you back in your position. If you fall for any of them, it can be difficult to make the decision again.
Delete his number, social media, and e-mail, and block him from reaching you in all modes of communication. You can also change your address if you are renting a flat and avoid places where he hangs out. These are essential for moving on.
8) Be Determined To Stand By Your Decision:
One thing is making a decision; another is standing to it. You may have weak moments in the future where you feel like having some company or lonely moments where it makes you feel like missing your past, but you need to fight against all the forces that try to make you change the decision you made.
Never forget the reason why you made the decision in the first place.
9) Work On Your Self-esteem:
Being a side chick comes down to one’s self-esteem, and if you want to stop repeating this behavior, you need to sincerely work on rebuilding your lost self-esteem. For that, first, you must genuinely believe that you are worthy of all the love and respect you can get. Realize that whatever he gave you wasn’t his full heart, and you deserve better. Someone who reciprocates all the love you give, not someone who shares it with many.
You are worth much more than being a side chick.
10) Forgive Yourself:
To err is human. We all make mistakes, but what makes us different is we repent and amend them once we realize them. Sometimes, we may do things against our interests, but this is how we grow. So, don’t be hard on yourself and forgive for what has happened and for what you have chosen. You will move forward in your life only when you can forgive yourself.
Many ladies make the mistake of being too hard on themselves. Don’t hold yourself to guilt.
Practice kindness towards yourself.
11) Seek therapy:
You can take therapy if you feel like it, as talking to a professional can help you process your feelings and develop a plan for moving forward.
During this time, spend more time with your friends and family members who support your goals.
12) Take A Break To Introspect:
If you want to stop being a side chick, take a break from dating for a while and look within. Of course, he may be a player or a jerk, but at the end of the day, you are the one who is a side chick. If it’s your conscious decision, it means he didn’t force you, and there is a serious need for introspection. Figure out what you fear and why you are attracted to unavailable men.
Retrospect on things like, ‘How did you become a side chick? Did you know all along, or did you just find out? And when you found out, did you still remain in the relationship or want out immediately? Until you realize where it went wrong and sort it out, do not hurry for the next relationship.
13) Enjoy Your Post Side Chick Life:
You need to enjoy your post-side chick phase of life and embrace the new freedom you now feel.
Sometimes, you may miss the things you were gaining from the side chick relationship, but you should always focus on the bigger and brighter picture – now, you can also get a man who will truly love and respect you the way you deserve.
14) Expand Your Circle and Seek Out New Experiences:
After taking some time to heal and moving out of your past relationship, you need to expand your circle. Be careful with the type of people you include in it so that you do not end up where you were or, worse, in a deeper mess.
Try new things, travel, and meet new people to broaden your horizons. Try to build a fulfilling and exciting life outside of the relationship.
15) Be Excited About The Future:
You should be excited about the decision you made and the change that will happen. Do not brood or hurt for too long about the situation. Anticipate and look at the bigger picture; you have taken an important decision that will make you free and position you for the best – all you truly deserve.
You are changing your life for the better, and even though it’s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows, the next person you will attract into your life may be your soulmate. So, see this as something positive that will ultimately improve your life.
16) See New Other Available Men:
You should see new guys that are single and available. Don’t even consider any committed guys, or you will end up in that loop again.
You are worth more than being in a relationship where you are seen for nothing more than a sex tool.
Also Read: Signs He Thinks You Are Not Good Enough
17) Stay Away From Toxic People:
Stay away from the negative people if you don’t want your miserable life back, and endure the worst again. Don’t even talk or take advice from your girlfriends who are in side chick relationships. What kind of advice do you expect from another side chick?
Also, don’t listen to anything his friends say to you. Do not allow them to talk you into returning to him as his side chick. Remember that they will try to play on your intelligence and entice you with sweet words and gifts. So, be careful because they could recapture you by making you feel guilty.
18) Never Return To Being A Side Chick:
After you walk away from being a side chick, never ever return to it. In all sincerity and goodwill, it is better not to walk away from a side chick relationship in the first place than to walk away and return to it.
If you make the mistake of returning as a side chick again, regardless of the reason for your decision, surely you will regret this action in many ways because you will be used and destroyed.
Most of the time, when ladies love, they love for real. So, you have to be careful not to fall in love with a guy who wants you as his side chick.
If you end up being a side chick to a guy, you will be only his dirty little secret, his sex tool for a short term. You will never be his first priority, and you don’t even get to be introduced to his family or friends. You have to understand that the sole purpose why a guy engages in a side chick relationship is for sex and to satisfy his selfish interests.
A side chick is one of the most complicated relationships in which one can find herself. They have ended the lives of many ladies or put them in positions they cannot recover from; you do not want to join the list. So, if you are already in one such relationship, it’s time to step out of that label and become an independent and free woman.